Of Puppets And Prozac Pills...

“Some persons are by nature unduly timorous and imagine every path beset with lions; others, of more robust temperament, fail to foresee or nonchalantly disregard even the most obvious dangers. The reasonable man is presumed to be free both from over-apprehension and from over-confidence.”

- Lord Macmillan in Corporation of Glasgow v Muir [1943] 2 ER 44 House of Lords

Here we go again.

We needed a win. At home. Against Everton, who just got slayed by their eternal rivals and have an injury list as lengthy as ours. Everton have won once in Old Trafford in the last gazillion years. In the starting line-up? Zlatan Ibrahimovic was back. Hurrah. So was Herrara. Hhhmmm. But then...Ashley Young at right back? What happened to Valencia? He was very tired after all the South American World Cup Qualifier exhaustions. Fair enough. Danny Blind at left back? Suitable. After all, a specialist is always better than a wind-up toy. More on that later.

In the middle, Carrick and Fellaini. Gasp. 2 largely immobile holding midfielders, one still admittedly adept at passing and reading the game while the other, basically an emergency plan B to get the ball into the opponent's net (usually to get an equaliser) when all else fails?  Was this necessary? Why so ultra-conservative/negative in a game you should be on the front foot? Perhaps the reason was because we had a forward trident of the likes of MSN, BBC, MTV or any of those cable station acronyms to plunder in the goals...

Ok, no. We have since accepted that we do not yet have a world-class forward line but at least we were going to wear our Sunday Tuesday best and correspondingly put our best foot forward...and so we started Rashford, aforementioned Zlatan and Lingard! What happened to Mkhitaryan? Well, according to his manager, mad scientist, Dr. Jose 'Herbert West' Mourinho, he was not "pleased with his performance" against West Bromwich Albion on Saturday and so he was dropped to the bench. This apparently spoke majorly to the sitter Mikki missed which he really should have scored...same which can be said at one point or the other of virtually every other forward player in the team. So why the double standards? Mkhitaryan is easily the most dynamic player in the team and in my opinion, if there is one player who should be afforded a latitude of  opportunities for redemption, it should be him. But no, Fellaini is a better 'fit' for the manager's ideology and his performances have apparently been very 'pleasing' to him. And Anthony Martial? There was clearly no way he was going to usurp the teacher's pet and all-round hard-worker (Note - I know at least 4 'hard-workers' for Championship new-boys, Sunderland), Marcus Rashford in the stakes of  'pleasing' performances'. It doesn't matter that Rashford has found it difficult scoring goals and is obviously bereft of confidence. Would a rest (and some sort of protection) be ideal for the young man at this time? Not at all. Like General G. S. Patton would have ordered, "Back to the front lines, you wusses!" The solution to battle-induced nerves is exposure to more battle.    

But wait a minute...we wanted to win this match, didn't we? Certainly, a draw could not have been the intention. Why then would we choose to field this kind of line up knowing fully well what the challenges have been all season? An experiment? Ego? Double-agent? Fear of the opposition? Genuine confusion?

"Omelettes, eggs. No eggs, no omelettes. And it depends on the quality of the eggs in the supermarket. They are class one, two or three and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. When the class one eggs are not available you have a problem."

The result of this match was already as obvious as the line-up was intended. That's what makes these kinds of results so frustrating and stomach-churning. From the events of the dawn, you could easily predict what dusk would bring. 

Of course, Zlatan was going to miss a sitter. So did Rashford even if he was already flagged offside. Herrara hit the bar when he probably should have scored. Pogba, a 2nd half sub for Blind, did too as customary. Joe Robles became a superman. The linesman ruled out a valid Zlatan goal. Everton put 10 men behind the ball. The ball kept awkwardly bouncing of Fellaini. Lingard kept crossing into the first man or to the opposite corner flag. Same ingredients, same dish.

De Gea, who several times in recent weeks seems to lose concentration, dozed off for the comical Everton goal. He also failed to come off his line early at least twice and almost gave Rojo a heart attack. Bailly and Rojo were excellent and kept Lukaku in check. Still no equaliser.  And then something strange happened...

Literal left-back, Luke Shaw (or his likeness) came on for the injured Ashley Young. The Stretford End roared its approval. Now, I know most of you didn't see this but my television has been CIA-modified to give me a much more, let's call it 'intimate' view of screen proceedings which come in particularly useful during football games. So I'll tell you this; there was a small orange sensor attached to Shaw's head which received signals from a miniature server in Mourinho's right hand. When Mourinho whispered a specific instruction, Shaw did exactly same. 'Cross', Shoot', 'Mark', 'Jump'. Unfortunately for every couple of seconds something else took Mourinho's attention, Shaw stood still motionless and morose, saliva dripping from his mouth like a rabid squirrel. Fortunately, bar Anthony Martial giving him the evil eye, Mourinho wasn't often distracted for too long. Shaw would have been reduced to a bumbling mess in front of millions of viewers.

Mourinho's final instruction to his puppet was 'shoot' which was what led to the penalty in the 94th minute. Ashley Williams was sent off. Ibrahimovic coolly converted. 1-1. Game over. Now 20 matches unbeaten. 10 draws (8 at home), 10 wins. Semi-invisibles (both in the undefeated streak and in goal-scoring). 

For large parts of the 2nd half, Manchester United (Manchester United!!!) resorted to lumping the ball into the box in the hope that either Zlatan or Fellaini fortuitously connected with it. It was very sad to see. There was no other strategy to be employed. Mourinho really needs to ask himself some tough questions. This wasn't a matter of unavailable players. There was enough, ahem, talent on the pitch and on the bench to play much better football.

Said Mr. Modern day Geppetto of Pinocchio;

"He was in front of me and I was making every decision for him, He has to change his football brain...We need his fantastic physical and technical qualities but he cannot play with my brain," he sniffed (knowingly fully well that no footballer born of a woman could handle such an advanced organ.)

"He must accelerate the process. 21 is old enough to have a better understanding. He has a future here but Manchester United cannot wait."

It is not very likely that the wooden puppet would be afforded the opportunity to transform into a real boy. No lie.

While the latter statement is unarguable, Mourinho unfortunately still struggles to gag himself from making comments like the former which are just plain beyond the pale. He basically called Shaw a zombie and/or a moron. Mourinho keeps digging these holes for himself both in the criticisms of his players and in his line-ups/tactics. He always seems to want to take his critique and strategy just a little bit past acceptable boundaries.

The quest to win should be greater than the desire to not lose. 38 draws in 38 games can still get you relegated. As much as I may appreciate a large part of the structure put in place, I can't get caught up in the whole faux-unbeaten thing like it's something to aim for. Ironically enough, for all the visual progress we `can see, Mourinho's record is eerily similar to Van Gaal's at same period. Actually LVG's is slightly better. And Mourinho also had a head start, the luxury of adequate time to analyse what needed to be done to fix this team. While there have been some advancements particularly with his signings, with the results, using his own words, 'Manchester United cannot wait' It simply hasn't been good enough.

Some of us may have given up hopes on a top 4 finish and pinned our hopes on the Europa route but please still give us something to work with towards next season.  

If the index finger is pointed at others, the other three are pointing at you. Over to you, Jose.

Next Stop: Away to relegation-bound Sunderland on Saturday. (Surely, we can must win this?!!)  

Signing Out,

B.L

In Other News:

* Bayern Munich lost 1-0 to Hoffenheim. So?

* Human dynamo, Russell Westbrook has equalled the triple-double record of the legendary Oscar 'Big O' Robertson (41). There are 5 games left. Expect him to break the record. That said, James Harden is still my MVP. Curry's late push would would not been enough to earn him a hat-trick of MVP honours but it does make Western Conference Play-Off match-ups very interesting. And Durant comes back this weekend. Also expect LeBron to take it up several notches when the play-offs begin. Game on.

* Chelsea play Manchester City in London this evening. I hope they both lose. 

*"Maybe it's a sign of weakness/ when I don't know what to say

Maybe I just wouldn't know what to do with my strength anyway/
Have we become a habit? Do we distort the facts?/
Now there's no looking forward/
Now there's no turning back..." - Pat Benatar 'We Belong'.