600 + 5th + 1(3)...

"3 points won at Ri-ver-side/
4th place now clearly in sight/
Lucky for you, that's what I like (that's what I like),
Lucky for you that's what I like (that's what I like)/
No Fosu, Shaw or D. Blind/
No mountain too hard to climb?/
Lucky for you that's what I like (that's what I like), 

Lucky for you that's what I like (that's what I like)..." - Sung to the tune of Bruno Mars' 'That's What I Like'.

Well played, Jose. Well played.

With a strategic largely comfortable victory despite fielding probably our weakest line-up in recent memory, United became the 1st team to notch 600 wins in the Premier League era.

Up to 5th after a full set of fixtures for the first time in almost 6 months.

Fellaini scored his 1st league goal this season.

Lingard scored his 1st league goal (and what a goal it was. Something from the Lothar Matthaus catalogue) in over a year (v Chelsea in February 2016).

Valencia scored his 1st league goal...in about a decade. Ok, 3 years (and what a goal it was too).

The line-up was De Gea, Valencia, Bailly, Smalling, Jones, Young, Fellaini, Carrick (c), Mata, Lingard and Rashford. Valencia and Young were deployed as wing-backs, Smalling as comic relief (He continues to make an excellent case for himself on why he should play elsewhere come summer), Fellaini and Carrick as holding midfielders and Rashford as Francis Jeffers. 

The pseudo-5-man defence was super shaky for most parts of the game and with Valencia playing up-field rather than as a traditional centre back, it meant that there was a large acre of land between him and Bailly which was continually exploited by Gaston Ramirez & co. particularly in the 1st half. With Rashford's continuous profligacy in thought and in front of goal (He should have scored both. No, Valdes did not make any 'miracle save'. Yes, Rashford is young but should must get better), United had to rely on the unlikeliest sources to get the goals: The first, which was created by Ashley Young, who had a surprisingly competent game, was decisively nodded in by teacher's pet, Marouane Fellaini. All that height should positively count for something every once in a while. 

Lingard scored the brilliant 2nd goal and it really should have been smooth sailing therefrom. Consequent to the introduction of man-mountain Rudy Gestede to pair with Negredo, Mourinho made the logical substitution of replacing the diminutive Juan Mata with the robust Marcus Rojo to counter the height and power advantage but unfortunately and not for the first time, it spelt the total collapse of the midfield and the avoidable invitation of pressure on the already nervous defence. This is a situation I still have challenges comprehending. Attempting to protect a 2-goal or even a single goal lead in an away match by shoring up your defence, while leaving on or introducing pacy forwards in the event of a counter-attack makes perfect sense. But it seems this team is still unable to find the appropriate balance required to control the game when such adjustments have been made. It happened against Everton and has been a recurrent situation when United has a slender lead in away games.

Anyhow, Chris Smalling (who else?) caved in this game of musical chairs and provided an assist for Gestede. 1-2. The heat was on. The tricky Adama Traore tried to cause a few problems on the right side. Long balls into the United '18 were whacked out by any (legit) means necessary...

...and then cometh the hour, cometh the man. Shortly after Eric Bailly and Gestede exchanged hickeys, Middlesbrough won a corner in the 91st minute which was thankfully headed out. The tireless Antonio Valencia, starting off from the '6 yard box, was the first to the ball and proceeded to run it across the length of the field presumably to the Middlesbrough corner flag. Or so we thought. He lost the ball along the way and a defender sent a back pass to Victor Valdes who was in turn powering up to deliver a final punt into the Manchester United half for undoubtedly the last attack of the game...he slipped...Valencia never stopped running. The easiest goal he will ever score. A1 for effort. 100% for dedication to the cause. 2/10 for aesthetics. Value for relief? Priceless.

Jose Mourinho, unable to contain his joy, promptly fist-pumped his way down the tunnel, temporarily forgetting the norm and niceties of shaking the opposing manager's hand after the game. Perhaps a minder should be hired to occasionally remind him of the club he is currently representing. The final whistle came immediately after 'Brough kicked off. Full time: 1-3.

Ryan Giggs believes that Manchester United have the best squad in the premiership. I beg to differ. The team may have the most recognisable names but 'best' as to the actual quality of our squad? Nah. I may not always agree with Mourinho's line-up preferences but the most important thing is that his selections deliver. It was an unfamiliar formation (variations of 3-4-3) which the team, particularly the defence, struggled with at times but it was largely well-executed and effective on the day. A palatable dish was prepared using the most basic ingredients. Do not forget that this was also a Middlesbrough side which had just sacked its manager and therefore had a point to prove which they valiantly tried to do.  Kudos to the gaffer for this one.

The next league fixture is against the set-piece specialists and Arsenal-conquerors, West Bromwich Albion at Old Trafford on the 2nd of April. Hopefully, the team should have been well rested and revving to go by then. Zlatan and Herrara would serve the last of their respective bans and would therefore not be available. Arsenal play Manchester City the same weekend so it would be a perfect opportunity to create more than a sliver of light between us and them while simultaneously knocking on 4th spot door. Our outstanding game, which is also against City, has been rescheduled for the 27th of April and it is imperative that we get all we can before that game. Here's hoping we can keep at it. Enjoy (if you can) the international break.

Signing Out,

B.L

P.S. - Was Paul Pogba missed on Sunday?  

In Other News:

* Chelsea took one step closer to the title by wrestling a 1-2 victory over Stoke City. Willian and Cahill were the goal-scorers but Diego 'absolute b*stard' Costa was the box-office. Not unlike Messi, you know what he does, you know how he's going to do it but you still fall for it every time. Kept the Stoke defence physically and emotionally occupied all game in spite of earning a yellow card in the 1st half. Start to clean out the trombones for the inevitable parade. Would be interesting to see how they cope with a much more engaging schedule next season.

*The evergeen amazing Roger Federer won his 25th Masters 1000 career title and record tying 5th Indian Wells title on Sunday. Taking a leaf from his compatriot, friend and latest victim, Stan Wawrinka, "What an incredible a-hole."

* R.I.P Ivan 'The Russian Bear' Kollof and George 'The Animal' Steele.

Broken and Bruised But Beyond the Barricade…

Does the lack of a winter break affect the English clubs in spring? Is it still humanly possible for the top English clubs to remain competitive on four fronts at around same time? Do the English top clubs play more games than their European counterparts? Or they just burn out faster at the business end of things? Is the English League more competitive than the other top leagues? Or are the players just not fit enough to execute the 'big push'? Is Mourinho a career rabble-rouser? Is Roy Keane a bitter jerk? Are you happy about Paul Pogba’s ‘enforced rest’? Did you derive as much fun as I did watch Ander Herrara trying not to tackle? What say ye about the Zlatan for another year? Questions…questions…questions…

Whatever the answers are, fatigue is real and it has a valid State ID and recognisable address. It is quite clear that some of the players are on their last legs but amusingly still, there are also some players who have not gotten enough games e.g. Luke Shaw. (I also don’t understand why a Schweinsteiger could not get look in in at least one leg of the Rostov tie. He may be over the hill but I don’t think he’s that derelict…or is he?)

A weary Manchester United huffed and puffed to a 1-0 victory over FC Rostov in the 2nd Leg of the Round Of 16 Europa League Cup tie, Mata, the goalscorer in the 70th minute. Romero with 2 crucial saves including a last minute free kick that was arrowing into the top corner. 2-1 aggregate. The Reds consequently earned themselves a Quarter-final tie against Belgian power-house, Anderlecht. Other quarter-final pairings are:

Ajax v Schalke                                               

Lyon v Besiktas

Celta Vigo v Genk

The 1st legs are on the 13th of April with the return fixtures on the 20th. Looking at the remaining contenders, regardless of any internal or local fixture challenges, this is probably the best opportunity for United to qualify for the UEFA Champions League next season and also win the only major club title missing from our impressive trophy cabinet.

The gaffer would get special brownie points for that one. It is not an opportunity that should be wasted. 

The injuries have started to mount and the fixtures are getting more vital with each passing week day. Martial and Rooney are definitely out of the Middlesborough clash on Sunday. The aforementioned Pogba too. Blind is a doubt. Both Zlatan and Herrara are suspended for the next two league games. Squeaky bum time. Fortunately, the international friendly break, which I still have no love for, could not come at a much better time even if for the sole purpose of rejuvenation.

The manager-less Middlesborough would pose its own unique problems on Sunday. Middlesborough, while currently occupying the 19th place, do not concede much. 'Only' 30 goals so far. Liverpool and Arsenal have conceded more. United, on the other hand do not score enough and cannot be described as clinical. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who has scored a blue whale's share of our league goals, is unavoidably absent. Rashford finally has his chance to play top striker in a league match but of what use is blinding pace when the opposition refuses to even compete in a race? Ultra-conservative and primarily defensive minded, 'Borough are in a relegation dogfight. Would a 'mere' point at home be a point gained or 2 lost against the 'mighty' Manchester United who they have failed to beat in the last 14(?) fixtures or so? You don't need to be a brain surgeon to figure that out. Mourinho has his work cut out for him. I may be wrong but a further loss of points on Sunday will be tantamount to that Boys II Men 'Boomerang' soundtrack song to our UCL ambitions through the EPL. There would just be too much work to do (not like there isn't already). The teams above us, the noisy neighbours the latest, have no further European obligations. I would ideally like us to have butter on one side of the bread and just a bit of jam on the other. Just...in...case.

An ugly 3 points would be just fine on Sunday and Mourinho, who one must confess, has done a fair-to-fine job so far, has to really muster all of his technical acumen to navigate through these final months. All the remaining targets and pursuits are still achievable. On to the Riverside we go...

Next Up: League match v Middlesborough on Sunday at the Riverside Stadium. 12 p.m. (GMT).

Signing Out,

B.L...

In Other News:

* I have had to re-evaluate Pep Guardiola's position in the pantheon of great coaches. It's not for the singular reason that his team was eliminated in the 2nd round of the UCL against a boisterous and youthful Monaco side but rather because of his dogged consistent inflexibility in tweaking his formations and tactics to adapt to game situations particularly in the knock out rounds of the UCL. While I've always known that Messi & Co. hide a multitude of sins for many (Luis Enrique won a treble for goodness sake), Guardiola has so far shown himself incapable of traversing key knock out games with his other teams, Manchester City, the current. With Bayern Munich, he was coaching a side in the country that was both the client and player president and he promptly delivered 3 league titles in three years. In the UCL however, he choose to adopt the same attacking approach even against the elite clubs in the latter stages of the competition. Knocked out handily each and every time.

City has been the first team he doesn't have an overwhelming advantage of attacking players. 5-3 up against a largely inexperienced but high scoring Monaco side, I expected this tie to be over. (Don't forget that the same naive Monaco gave up 2-goal lead in the first leg.) Sterilise the game like Atletico Madrid did and ensure a boring but progressive ride into the next round. It should have been that simple. But his team was, as usual, set up to attack. 2-0 down in 30 minutes. God gives second chances. Leroy Sane equalises. Advantage City. They concede again minutes later. Bakayoko header. City out. 

Until he learns, he will continue to slide further down the echelon of the greats. That said, I hope he doesn't learn all through his duration in England. Cheers to that!

* The UCL Quarters are set - Barcelona v Juventus (Grrr!), Real Madrid v Bayern Munich (Woof!), Atletico Madrid v Leicester (tricky) and Dortmund v Monaco (Goals galore). 

* Jidenna's 'Bambi' is a really really good song...    

      

Post-FA Cup Blues...

“…moral victory is for minor league coaches/

And ‘Ye already told you ‘We Major’, you cockroaches…”

My fear is this – Even before kick-off, there was a sterilised, numb, casual and even accepted feeling that the result would not go our way. The combination of the sudden unavailability of all our strikers, the Zlatan suspension, the accumulated fatigue and…the quality of the available team all meant that there was a green mile outlook to this F.A Cup Quarterfinal tie. No, I didn’t expect a Mourinho team to roll over and be tickled on its belly. Neither did I expect the team to meekly surrender, judging by history, after going a man (or two) down. But there remained a gnawing feeling that the best achievable in this fixture would be some sort of ‘virtuous’ victory. An ‘A’ for Effort, if you will. One is compelled to applaud the attempt at salvation even though damnation is still certain.

“There was a match until the moment Herrara saw a red card, and then there was another match after that. Before that I saw a game with the feeling I was going to win…I’m really proud of the boys…”

And that’s why it really grates.

England’s biggest club and one of the world’s football giants is suddenly under a seemingly unbreakable fibre glass ceiling trying to get a look in. Mind, it’s not singularly about this result. All season, there has been a Tantalus-like endeavour towards successive objectives – so near yet so far. The dangling fruit of the top four position tree continues to elude our grasp just so when we begin to feel the lusciousness of its juicy skin with our finger-tips. And the pool of water keeps widening. And deepening.

In context, the performances and results this season have been generally better than those of the past 3 years but it is of extreme importance that spirited endeavour, alone, is not miscommunicated to be the final destination. It is a very important bridge, albeit a brief one, to the terminus of success. Let’s not be fooled, football has always been about the glory. Big business has meant that this quest has now been amplified but the target remains the ability to balance entertainment with accomplishment. What may constitute ‘accomplishment’ will differ from club to club. For some, it may be achieving promotion into the country’s premier league. For others, it could be avoiding relegation. For some others still, a good run in the cup competitions and a middle table placement is fine. (And No, I’m in no mood to make any Champions League qualification/Top four achievement jocular references at this point).

To whom much is given, much is expected.

With the history behind the club and the resources available, Manchester United should challenge [noun (the situation of being faced with) something that needs great mental or physical effort in order to be done successfully and therefore tests a person’s ability] for top honours every season. It’s as simple as that. Not merely ‘participate’ but compete. Now, this does not at all mean that the club must win every match or competition but there should be the core element of fighting with the requisite quality in order to reduce the opponent’s chances of victory to, at best, equal percentage.  It basically means that the match should not be a foregone conclusion before it even starts. Some match-ups are notoriously this way in the Champions league. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist that).

When you parade the World's Most Expensive Footballer, there's a certain level of performance you expect. As I've often stated, I am quite aware that a player's transfer fee is not what plays on the pitch and the purchase value is no fault of his but his contributions are becoming totally unacceptable. You do not gamble or hope that a $100 million investment in a fast-moving consumer product market comes good. You expect to feel it's impact immediately. Pogba has a 4 year contract with an option to extend by a year. It's fair to say that one year can be written off as a bad debt. When a player half his size and 1/3rd his value absolutely dominates him in a marquee fixture, then something is horribly wrong. If Fellaini is constantly criticised as having the fantastic dual gifts of being tall and remarkable hair growth, then Pogba's summary may be much worse. A prancing, dabbing, social media enthusiastic, lazy 3rd rate show-off. As a commentator recently said, you can be said to have potential when you're 17-19 - If that's still your story at 23, you're just plain average. If Pogba is to remain in the club for the entire tenure of his contract, he has to win the Champions League (at least twice) for the club to break even. His performances can't even be described as 'shockingly' poor anymore. I don't know which riled me more: his abject performance or his joyful camaraderie with the Chelsea players and officials after the game. An emoji of a player.  

I've previously used all sorts of cute euphemisms to describe Ander Herrara's pitbull approach to midfield play. Well, not today and no longer. While Mourinho and certain sections of supporters may allude to his sending off as harsh and the game changer (no, it wasn't), the appropriate description of his actions in the 35 minutes he was on the pitch is idiotic. Herrara every game does the incessant/reckless fouling thing and it was only a matter of time that he would be made to pay the ultimate price for his continuous stupidity. Not blindfolded, he was aware when the referee, Mike Oliver called the captain, Chris Smalling (snigger) to warn that the next player who fouled the aptly named Hazard (as slippery as an eel lathered in petroleum jelly, that fella) would be booked. Herrara, already on a yellow card, proceeded to foul that same player less than ten seconds later. I'm not sure you can coach common sense...smh. 

Yes, the performance was a battling one but the reality cards were already heavily stacked against United. That's the annoying and unacceptable part. De Gea was magnificent as usual, the defence somehow held out better than expected (Valencia, take a bow), there was no midfield and the one pure chance we got in the 2nd half through Rashford's ingenuity was sadly wasted by the same man (No, that was not a 'world-class' save, Mr. Carragher. Rashford played it straight to the keeper.) But then applause to Young Marcus who was obviously unwell but seeing what was at stake, braved through his illness and played the entire 90 minutes causing Chelsea some scares along the way...

Jose Mourinho, while retaining most of his infamous war tactics (antagonising the opponent's manager, his team inevitably going a man down, giving the officials an earful, staunch defending and quick counter attacks) lacked one vital ingredient in this match which was previously available to his former teams - quality. You are on the road to perdition if Smalling, Young, Fellaini and Darmian are all starters in your team. Without attempting to butter it up, these players are mediocre and are not going to get the job done against quality opposition. If Mourinho chooses to be stubborn or mis-guidedly loyal to any of these foursome next season, then I wish him and the club all the very best. I have never agreed that being a man down should sound the death knell on the possibility of a victory (Jose knows this too) but under such circumstances, the tactics of the manager and the quality of the remainder players cannot be compromised. We were severely lacking in one of these two areas. Even with our full squad, do we have any special player in their prime like Eden or N'golo? That's the difference between the top teams and those an echelon or two lower. Ominously, the semi-finalists are Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspurs, Arsenal and Manchester City - all teams above us in the top four. 

I choose not to celebrate the concerted effort put out by the team yesterday. Not because it wasn't but because I don't ever want to develop the appetite that 'attempt' alone is acceptable. Not with the resources at our disposal. We have to (re)learn how to be competitive with the big boys. We have to (re) learn how to win against them. It's a process, yes but we have no further time to waste. 

Next up, FC Rostov in the return leg of the Europa League Cup Round of 16. Thursday. Old Trafford. (GMT 20.05)

Signing Out,

B.L...  

In Other News:

* Juventus virtually wrapped up its umpteenth consecutive league title with a controversial 2-1 victory over AC Milan on Friday. The winning goal was a 97th minute Dybala penalty which was conceded because Milan's DeSciglio could not detach his arm from his body without a surgery in a nano-second. "But Carlos Bacca's equaliser was also marginally offside!", I hear you say. AC Milan's teenage goalkeeper, Luigi Donnarumma who had an excellent game summarised it best, "It's always them!"

*Rangers halted Celtic's 22 match win streak with a 1-1 draw in the Old Firm Derby. Rangers, 3rd on the table, is 33 points behind Celtic. The 2nd placed team, Aberdeen, is 25 points behind Celtic.

* Sergio Ramos has a good head. A very good head. Clutch situations, late in the game, winners, levellers, his head comes through. The latest being the winning goal against Real Betis on Sunday. A captain's captain...(If only if...)

Fun fact: Ramos has scored more career goals (81) than Andres Iniesta (72)!

     

The Bumpy Road To The Quarters...

In a moment of fleeting dementia, I imagined Sam Alladici Allardyce as the competent manager of Manchester United yesterday. We had some of the necessary pieces (Zlatan, Fellaini, Jones, Smalling, Rojo and Pogba - the giants) required for his famous (if exaggerated) brand of 'skyball'. The ensuing implementation of this agricultural tactic would have ensured that the eye-sore that was FC Rostov's Olimp-2 pitch, would be happily ignored. I day-dreamed of Marouane happily walking away with the match ball under arm, congratulated by team mates and coaching staff for plundering 4 goals in the match. All headers. A record. Heck, we would probably also witness the new uber-cool tripartite handshake between him, Jesse Lingard and Paul Pogba. A record of some sorts too...Final score: FC Rostov 1 Manchester United 5. Tie over...

Alas, it was not to be. In a valiant effort of composure and concentration (for most times), Mr. Mourinho's team came away with a creditable 1-1 draw against FC Rostov in the 1st leg of the Europa League Cup Round of 16 tie. The potato farmland on which the game was played meant that there was no way we were going to witness a high quality game and I reckon UEFA should be somewhat embarrassed in retrospect for allowing a knock-out game in a competition they desperately want to promote as worth competing for to be played on a glaringly atrocious surface. This should serve as a timely reminder to the club as a very basic reason to avoid the treacherous tourney called the Europa League. We saw the fireworks, glamour and grandiose of the events on Tuesday and Wednesday. That's where we belong. In the mansion. Not the servants' quarters.   

In a match Fellaini was arguably Manchester United's best player, there was very little cohesive football played for 90 minutes. The game had a whooping 38 fouls (including one which earned our energetic shih tzu, Ander Herrara, a customary yellow card) and had an uneven feel about it. Pogba, spoiled by the luxuries of Carrington/Juventus Stadium/Old Trafford, kicked the wind when well placed early in the match. The first 30 minutes or so were actually quite decent as United managed to navigate the surface and conditions to put together its best spell of football for the entire game. Mkhitaryan, as becoming usual, scored the vital goal in the 35th minute after some sublime build up play by Fellaini and Zlatan. After United failed to convert a couple of half chances early in the 2nd half (Zlatan and Young), Rostov woke up from their reverie, which ironically lulled Phil Jones into his, and equalised in the 53rd minute through their own giant striker, Aleksandr Bukharov. 

The home team had the better chances therefrom and showed some brilliant aerial ball control even as they pressed for a winner. Danny Blind had probably his worst performance in a United shirt and was at par with the consistently mediocre Ashley Young. Martial was introduced for Mikki in the 67th minute and I initially expected him to turn the game on its head but...wait...Martial's stand-out skills are his speed and direct close-control dribbling. The former could be utilised but there was no way in Dante's inferno that he would be able to activate the latter on the mounds and craters of the playing surface. I was, sadly, proved very correct. Martial played like a foal on roller-skates and never had a look-in till the final whistle blew. 

All in all, it was a good result considering the circumstances and I would expect United to finish the job in the 2nd leg. Even in the conditions, you could see glimpses of the team's superior quality over their hosts and we were thankfully able to escape without any injuries or suspensions. 

The players will need to get all the rest they can before taking on the gargantuan task of Chelsea in the Quarter-finals of the F.A. Cup on Monday. Doable? Certainly. But I imagine we would require all the tactical savoir faire of the manager, the ingenuity of the special players available (We all know by now that Zlatan is serving a 3-match ban for his errant elbow in the game against Bournemouth) and the steadfastness of everybody else to get a result. A settled, well-rested, table-topping in-form Chelsea is probably our biggest challenge so far this season. Fingers crossed. Believe...

The Miracle Of Camp Nou 

...speaking of which, what a time to be alive! We witnessed the greatest comeback in the history of the Champions league on a night that can be scarcely believed. Barcelona, a great team seemingly in decline, suffered a nasty 4-0 1st leg bashing against Paris St. Germain in the Round of 16. It was one of the poorest and weirdest performances of ANY team I had ever seen. I had since written the team off this season due to continuing abject performances which were only palliated by individual moments of brilliance by mostly Lionel Messi and very rarely by 'S' and 'N'. Neymar, in fact, until recently was going through what was his worse season in Barcelona both in performances and output. Perhaps the looming trial had started to affect him. Suarez was still scoring goals but without playing at all well. Messi, in spite of his consistent excellence, seemed to stroll about the pitch even more than usual. Luis Enrique had lost the plot (if he ever had it) and that damning defeat was the cherry on top. Enrique announced his resignation effective end of season shortly after and so it was time to salvage what was left. Brilliant league performances followed but the 2nd leg was supposed to be a mere formality. A projected Barca victory which would only hint on what may have been but would be insufficient to carry them into the next round. With that defence, there was no way they were not going to concede at least a goal. So they would need at least 6 goals to qualify?... 

Well, that was what exactly happened!

Suarez scored early, the Parisians immediately lost their composure and it was chance after close chance. An own goal was again conceded late in the 1st half but there was still too much to be done and PSG had also not yet structured a proper attack.  

Messi scored a penalty early in the 2nd half and all bets were off. Certainly, Barca could still score more but wouldn't they also concede? They did. Edison Cavani, enjoying a prolific season, scored the intended back-breaking goal mid-half. Now too high a mountain to climb, surely. It meant Barcelona needed 3 goals in about 20 minutes and without conceding too. Di Maria came on and should have actually earned himself a goal or Javier Macherano a sending off but this sequence of events escaped the match officials.

88 minutes on the clock. Barcelona still need 3 goals. Free kick to Barcelona. Messi usually keeps these to himself. Not this time. He concedes it to Neymar, who has re-assumed his world class cloak in the last couple of games and has been buzzing all through this game. Swoosh. Brilliant goal. 2 more needed. And without conceding. Luis Suarez, a minute later, to put it bluntly, cons the referee into awarding a penalty which is perfectly dispatched by the influential Neymar. One more. Barca's goalkeeper, Ter Stegen made a sliding tackle in PSG's half. Free kick to Barcelona. 94 minutes. Neymar floats the ball into the box and its immediately pin-balled out. Instead of sending another Hail Mary pass and wishing for the best, he drops his shoulder to beat the defender closest to him and measures an over-the-top pass to an onside Sergi Roberto. Goal. Bedlam. Chaos. Tears. Joy and Sorrow. Bulging eyeballs of disbelief. That sinking feeling. Adrenalin. Screams. Players and officials piling on top each other. Unreal. Football, bloody hell.

Fun fact: PSG completed only 4 passes from the 88 minute. 3 of those passes were in kicking off from conceding. Shook Ones.

Deja vu In London

Remember my earlier reference of belonging in the mansion and not the servants' quarters? Good. There's a caveat to that - there's no point staying the the mansion...as a servant. If we are (and as have always done and will hopefully continue to do next season) going to be in the mansion, we shall be there as owners or at least as relatives with legal interests in the property. Not the door-man. Or the cleaner. This is what Arsenal FC has unfortunately become in this elite competition. They have since stopped being competitive and just serve as an easy qualification route for more ambitious teams. The gap between this club and the elite continues to widen even as consistently as they qualify for the competition.

Losing home and away is not ordinarily a big deal but the manner in which this London club always seems to capitulate is part-comedy, part tragic, total farce. 5-1, it was in the 1st leg against Bayern Munich but unlike the PSG-Barcelona tie, we all knew that this one was over and done with. Next, please. We assumed Arsenal would win by 1 or 2 and would butter it up to project an adequately competitive fortitude for the next season. But even that scam is over. Even when they took the lead, a neither here nor there penalty in favour of Bayern meant that they conceded a goal and went a man down. Fair enough. This was beyond the club either-ways. Try and keep a respectable scoreline and see if you can sneak in a goal.

Nooooopes.

Capitulation. Disintegration. Shambolic defending. And that word again, Farce.

I had previously given a quasi-glossary of definitions here . The first three apply.

I leave the club's manager, who in spite of his many achievements with the club, has fast become a farce caricature and object of ridicule and opprobrium, with the lyrics of a Kenny Rogers (as he then was. Before the facial 'make-over') classic:

"You gotta know when to hold up/know when to fold up

know when to walk away/know when to run..."

Signing Out.

B.L

  

Bad Habits Return...

If you're a fan of the TV comedy series, 'Modern Family', you would be familiar with the child-man character, Manny Delgado and the relationship with his absentee father, Javier. Anytime Javier shows up in Manny's life, it's a delightful riot. The fleeting good times enjoyed are usually followed with a promise of a repeat in a short while. Javier, however, repeatedly fails to follow through with his promise of return and Manny, ever the romantic, is left with continually making excuses for his utterly unreliable father.

The above largely depicts my relationship with this Manchester United team (sans the excuses). The immortal beloved you recognise and almost accept is going to continually break your heart in the most agonising manner. It's almost as abusive a relationship as a certain mobile network provider and its loyal subscribers - there is an assurance of pain along the way. 

The foreboding was set when I saw the line-up - A Rooney, Mata, Martial and Ibrahimovic front line I felt was too slow for a home game. But considering the opposition's form and the need to refresh the team for upcoming fixtures, I was still hopeful that it could get the job done. An excellent opportunity to move into the top 4 was available, not least aided by the concurrent situation of Liverpool and Arsenal, the two teams directly above us, playing each other later in the day. No further motivation and 'ginger' required.

And indeed it wasn't the line-up that was the problem. There's just something...now un-explainable that happens when the such opportunities present themselves. I am scared to accept that it's not simply 'missed chances', 'excellent goalkeeping' or 'poor finishing' responsible for this recurrent habit. I've previously discussed this here and also here but I'm led to conclude that it's something psychological, even almost metaphysical, at play here. (But maybe not...It's not a 'miracle save' if the ball fails to end up in the net when you shoot it directly at or very close to the goalkeeper, is it? And it doesn't seem to affect the team in cup games...)

The red-hot Ibrahimovic did not look at all at the races from kick off and squandered a very presentable chance under 5 minutes. Rusty Rooney also did same. Pogba missed another one-on-one and Martial, for all his inventiveness and threat, could also not convert what were really easy chances. Wave after wave of attack with the final results being 'oohs!' and 'aahs!' from the expectant but still disappointed crowd. It couldn't be one of those days again, could it?...

No, it wasn't. 23 minutes in, a misdirected pile-driver from the industrious Antony Valencia was guided into the net by, you guessed it...no, you did not, Marcus Rojo! 1-0! Bournemouth had a bloodied nose and cracked jaw even before the goal was scored so it was expected that the knock out punch(es) would be delivered as a matter of procession. Yes?

No. Silly season started almost immediately. In a rare foray into United's half, Bournemouth's Marc Pugh sold a cheap penalty to the previously unflappable Phil Jones and he bought it at a rather high price. Joshua King, an ex-boy, did the honours. 1-1. It was to be Bournemouth's only shot on target in the match. Manchester United had 7 from 20 attempts. The Cherries had 3 attempts. United now had its own bloody nose. 

Ibrahimovic, bent on winning one way or the other, then got into a needless ninjutsu sparring session with the appropriately named Tyrone Mings. It was not a good look. While there is plenty of blame to go round, the people's elbow delivered by Zlatan to the side of Ming's head may warrant an invitation from the F.A. Zlatan claims Mings 'collided into his elbow'. Zlatan already had a yellow card for dissent when Bournemouth's penalty was awarded. Minimum of 3 matches it may be, then? Great. :(

Bournemouth's Andrew Surman was red-carded for two silly challenges, the 2nd for a shove on Ibrahimovic in reaction to the elbow inflicted on his teammate's skull. And this was still the first half. 

The second half was actually worse than the first in spite of having a man-advantage. Triple substitutions look brilliant when they affect the outcome of the game positively. When they don't, the make the manager look a tad foolish? In this failed experiment, Mourinho decided to bring on Fellaini for Carrick, Lingard for Shaw and Rashford for Rooney. Fellaini is good for 2 things: Being tall and carrying an offensive aerial threat. Was Fellaini pushed forward to support the attack? Nopes. He basically took over Carrick's position as quarterback/playmaker. And Carrick was having a good game. Composure gone, the United midfield degenerated to hopeful punts into Bournemouth's '18 and sideways passing till the game ended. It was as ridiculous a substitution as I have ever seen. Luke Shaw, back from the wilderness, was also having a barn-stormer. Lingard came on for him to absolutely no effect. In what was perhaps the only rational substitution of the 3 on paper, Rashford came on without seeming to understand, as the gaffer puts it, the 'dimensions' of the game. He kept trying to over-dribble and kept giving the ball away in the 20 minutes he was on. Awful.

There was also another penalty in the game, this time in favour of United. 71st minute. Zlatan usually scores those. He missed. Or rather Arthur Boruc guessed correctly and saved. When it rains, it pours...

The £89 million man had two glorious chances to right all the numerous wrongs but...smh...look, I understand and agree that the chap is not responsible for his transfer fee and the club was aware that it wasn't buying a fully-made product but...Pogba MUST do better. It's NOT okay to just spray passes around the field for those amounts in fees and wages. That's the major reason Rooney gets so much stick. Air-balling from 6 yards in the dying minutes of a crucial game is NOT acceptable. He has to improve his conversion rate (and he has been provided many many gilt-edged chances) and must learn on how to influence a game. 23 years is no longer 'young' in football terms. Particularly for a guy who has played at the highest stages in his budding career. He must start to produce. Let's still leave it as 1st season blues...

Anyway, another 2 points dropped and we remain 6th. A chance to ascend the table bungled. Next three league fixtures are Middlesborough (Away), West Bromwich (Home) and Everton (Home). The opportunities to climb into the top 4 continue to diminish with each passing game. That's 10 draws now. 7 in Old Trafford. As the so-called Leader of the Free World would tweet, 'Terrible. Sad.'

Next up: Rostov FC at home in the Europa League Cup Round of 16. A win, please...

Signing Out,

B.L...

In Other News:

* There has to be a more accurate way of evaluating who the 'World's Best Player' is at the end of the year. If a team wins a title/trophy, the team wins the title/trophy. That is why they are so awarded. It is not compulsory that the best player must come from that team. That has largely been the trend in doling out gongs in award season. There have been departures from this rule which brought about unlimited controversy namely in awarding the Balon D'or in 2010 (correct, in my view) and in the World Cup in 2014 (incorrectly). It is, of course, way too early to call but almost regardless of where the la liga title or the UEFA Champions League ends up, is there currently a better player in the world than Lionel Messi ?

* Take a bow, Mr. Sikiru Olatunbosun...take a bow...

*I end this on a relatively sad note. Anyone who met my friend, 'Oluwapatrick' Taiwo Olusa would tell you what a kind, personable, humorous, dapper, decent and God-fearing gentleman he was. One of the genuinely good ones. It was therefore with a tinge of sadness but with our hearts thankful to God for a life well spent that we took his transition to Glory on the 2nd of March, 2017. One of the first friends I made back in the university, he fast became a brother and remained so ever since. While his passing burns and is yet to fully sink in, I abide in the comfort that his maker undoubtedly knows best. Rest well, 'Congress Leader'...Rest well...