It was more
submission than pin-fall. More “Rowdy’ Roddy Piper’s Sleeper-hold than Ultimate
Warrior's ‘Gorilla Press Drop’. Euthanasia than execution.
Either way, the
torment is over.
Frail, disjointed,
disorientated, disillusioned, despicable and a diss to the club, this version of Manchester United on Sunday meekly
surrendered any already unlikely top 4 hopes by struggling to a 1-1 with
already relegated bottom club, Huddersfield in a game which neither pig nor
human could be told apart.
Perhaps, I should
first offer my apologies for the prolonged absence. On evidence of what we’ve
witnessed for a large part of the season however, I really hope you partially
understand why. Also, it gets a bit tiring repeating the same things ad infinitum. Thank you in advance for
your understanding.
Mind, this mess
didn’t just spring up last August at the beginning of Mourinho’s clockwork 3rd
season descent into madness – It has been brewing even pre-Ferguson retirement,
its pungent smell skillfully dredged by the gaffer’s experience and sheer force
of will. When you replace a Cristiano Ronaldo with an even prime-form Antonio
Valencia, you can tell an army of Arthur Flecks would show
up not too far along the line. And that is where we are now.
I’m not
currently interested in analyzing the lengthy background of how we got here but I will say the
following:
1. It’s much bigger than Ed
Woodward. Irritating as he may come across, he’s an employee doing the bidding
of his employers and regardless of what we may feel, he is doing it quite well.
#GlazersOut
2. No, Mourinho was not right.
Just stop it. He wasn’t. What we ordered:
A Manager who could see the myriad of problems the team had developed under the
post-Fergie managers and make the appropriate changes to move the club forward.
What we got: A pyromaniac
philosopher happy to reiterate at every turn the myriad of
problems the team had developed under the post-Fergie managers who was ready to
burn down the house anytime he didn’t get his way. By “his way”, read
‘world-record sums of money’. I can’t applaud what I already knew years back.
3. Re- Ole Gunnar Solsjkaer:
Emotions can be a dangerous thing. I plead guilty in this case. Looking back,
should my wholehearted agreement with his full time appointment have been more
tempered? Yes. But (for the last and final time) I was blinded by my
unflinching love towards any vestibule to the SAF glory-years. Right now? I
wish we could all be neuralysed so we can all get our functioning brains back
and no longer romanticize over years’ bygone.
That out of the way, what can I say about the performing artists that
has not been said about the Naked Emperor in didactic tale, ‘The Emperor’s New
Clothes’? – deluded, vain, largely incompetent and over-bloated egos. The
(particularly UK) media serve as the weavers in this context and have
continuously over-hyped lied
about the abilities these handsomely paid athletes possess (Rashford at par
with Mbappe?). Fans, who are the townsfolk, uncomfortably and
embarrassingly played along with the pretense on the basis that they were our players and “we should support (does this mean we shouldn’t appraise them
on their actual abilities?) them no matter what (you mean like
Ashley Young or the unnamed who will skip town come summer?)”. A good number have started to slowly backtrack from their folly. The obstinate still believe Woodward further loosening the purse strings i.e. "backing the manager" is the singular solution. a.k.a 'we would be challenging for the title if we bought Harry Maguire over the summer.' Unraveling the multi-layered clutter of that sort of thinking is definitely for this rant.
I am of the firm opinion that at least 10 players must leave this summer. 10. Ten. Dix. Idealistic? Perhaps. But that's the minimum if we are to claw our way back to any semblance of decency. There's too much mediocrity, too many bad influences, too many blow-hards, too many suckling on the teat of nationality and locality, too many heads turned and too much of an imbalance. Basically, too many bad things. And you don't attack an aggressive cancer with paracetamol...
Let's rebuild. Forget renovation. There's no further need to plaster cracks. Tear the whole wall down. Forget an instant return to the Champions League and properly work our way up. I believe this but would not bet on it happening.
David De Gea. Great servant. Player of the Season 4 times straight. Been our savior for an eternity. And it could get tiring. Particularly for a goalkeeper. And there are times when a fresh start is required. I believe this is such a time. David, in my reckoning, hasn't lost form - David has mentally vacated the building. Whether due to what may feel like a hamster's wheel or due to protracted contract talks that don't seem to be resolved anytime soon, or a combination of the two, there's been a bungling of the basics all season. If a deal isn't agreed summer, sell him.
Shaw and Lindelof may be retained in defense.
Paul Pogba is not a $100M player. This is no longer an argument. Persist with it if you must but I will remind you of the Naked Emperor's adoring public. He's not a leader, he's not a defensive linchpin, he's not an attacking force (please don't show me the penalty-goals stats. Thanks), he's not an organizer, he's been just a slightly above average player whose best work seems to coincidentally occur when playing with much better players. But then again he's our social media darling so he has to be one of the best midfielders in the world. I'll take $60 million. Neat. Paperwork can be faxed later.
Ander Herrera, 30, who I would have loved to stay has been infected with the Sanchez pay/I-Get-the-club malady. $200k per week for the next 4 years? No, thank you. And you know what? I'll rather a renegade/bounty hunter who is top quality and productive than average badge-thumpers. Let's not kid ourselves - it's always ultimately about the money.
Mata, 31, has frittered the peak years of his career playing right wing/right full back to accommodate much lesser talented footballers. Noble of him but he can now leave.
I knew we could get about 3 good years out of Matic. We got 2 and a half. Fair enough.
Fred is not a $54M player. He will not come good as a $54M player. We can make a decision now or live with it.
Piano man Alexis. A Ponzi scheme. The highest-rated Rotten Tomatoes heist movie in the history of cinema. A legend and cautionary tale. One to be studied for future generations.
Romelu Lukaku. We watch the games. We've seen the highlights. We've seen the touches. Clearly not $75M +. Clearly not Manchester United (as we used to be known) standard. Clearly not a natural footballer.
Rashford and Lingard need to take several seats back and realize that their talents are nowhere near what they may have been led to believe. If Rashford spends the entire summer practicing just those damned awful free kicks, then by that alone, we've made substantial progress. Lingard is great for memes and needling the opposition (more specifically, Arsenal) but when have those been the core functions of a footballer?
You may consider the views above as extreme, pessimistic and negative but I'll happily tell you that the performances have been same and even worse. There's no point discussing the shambles of the last couple of years in moderate terms. The Emperor is naked and I'm calling him out. It's either wholesale or very little progress.
And if this core somehow miraculously start the next season like a house on fire, then they should still be arrested for crimes against the State in the Year 2018/19.
Sadly, I don't think they have the ability to pull it off even if they wanted to.
Looking forward to the long summer...
