(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

*WARNING - Beware of possible head-scratching contradictions*

Shortly after the Burton Albion Carabao Cup victory on Tuesday, a recap of the game unfolded in a Manchester United chat forum. While, of course, there was a consensus of contentment in the fairly accurate result, others like myself still grumbled about the team's wastefulness and alarmingly re-occurring lengthy patches of disjointedness dating back to the previous league game against Everton which ended in a teeny-bit-too-flattering 4-0 scoreline. And then the following statement was made:   

"So in all competitions we conceded just *2 goals (*3 actually, including Burton's last minute Pereira gift)? Scored what? 22?
You guys have all been restored to default ManUtd mode...Spoilt fans...😆"

Fair point.

Does it really really matter if 10 gilt-edged chances are squandered but the team still wins 5-0? Even if Lukaku seemingly prefers to score his rebounds (which is a skill in itself, I guess), isn't the most important thing the fact that he scores? Like the hilarious viral clip of the kid with the awkward ("Lord have mercy...") dab, isn't the key thing the fact that he did (some sort of variation of) it? What would Crystal Palace and Alaves fans make of all this nit-picking? Does it matter if three-quarters of the goals are scored in the final 10 minutes or the first 10? So Ashley Young is not a natural full-back yet he has provided 2 quality assists in as many games in that position; why complain? The (formerly) much reviled Fellaini is apparently not a Manchester United player but he has been an effectual "rim protector" and game-saver a good number of times for this United team. Asides the free-scoring neighbours, no other side in the league has put in as many goals past opponents than United has. So what's the fuss?

But they will be found out against better opposition  

Without the benefit of divine clairvoyance, you can only attend to/strategize for such games as they are presented.  

What of goal difference?

If you beat the league-leading scorers and closest rivals by a lone goal whether through a dodgy penalty, shades of offside or an own goal, would goal difference matter?

But...but...it's not entertaining football! 

As the meme states, if you want to please everybody, go sell ice-cream. This is pragmatic-points-on-the-board-high-stakes football. Winning supersedes entertainment...

So perhaps, the summary of the above is basically this: Utopian ideas of perfect football week in and out should immediately be abandoned. A vast majority of fans and supporters primarily seek some form of glory from their sides (not to be confused with "glory-hunting") and this is perfectly acceptable. It is a sport after all. How this is obtained may vary but except you are Brazilian circa 1990-1994, the end simply justifies the means. Results over aesthetics. Results over performance. Nokia 3310 with airtime over iPhone whatever without airtime and data (Aha!). There's a reason FIFA regularly and controversially (and often incorrectly, in my opinion) rewards the player of the winning team as the Best Player of the Tournament/Year in spite of another player having a more rounded/better performance all tournament or season long (watch this space) - winning is the bigger business. 

Original picture of the sainted Lukaku courtesy Independent.co.uk

Like the game against Southampton yesterday, sometimes all you need is something edible to quench the hunger. Taste and flavour are unimportant. Your full belly is. It was a game the team could have lost any other day but they showed great resolve and character to protect the early lead. Considering that a draw would have been a fair result, the victory and 3 points earned were priceless. W > D > L.

That said, I still do not agree with the absolute infallibility of the evidence of 'winning'.

Football is neither chess nor checkers. That's why it is not played on a game board. There is, I dare say, an unwritten obligation to entertain the audience. Football is performing arts. Being a spectator sport, the 'how' is nearly (not as, no...not as) important as the 'what'. Each dive from the platform may not always be a 10 but you damn well need to aspire to that figure every time you jump into the pool. Nobody buys a Ferrari to carry out stately burial processions. There is still a right of complaint to demand certain things a certain way when an outfit costs €784m thereabouts. Jose may call proponents of this ideology 'poets' but I believe the essential truth is not lost on him.

Robert Fulghum's Storyteller's creed begins, "I believe imagination is stronger than knowledge...." It was that inventiveness and fantasy element to the sport and to Sir Alex's team that first made me a fan of the game and the club and not the rudimentary application of the rules to the sport. Simple lay-ups do not maketh the NBA. (Pre-fight) Mayweather maketh Boxing. DJ Kool Herc introduced us to it but Rakim made us fall in love with it. The artists are the ones who live with you forever.

The fact remains that winning a match doesn't mean a perfect game was played and that there aren't areas for improvement. Post-match football analysis and debate are required eternal exercises. That's a major part of what makes it interesting. No two games are the same (even in football video games) so the euphoria experienced today may morph into invoking ancestral curses and expletives on your favourite player next game. 

The secret to finding a balance with these contrasting emotions is to realise and accept that football is just a sport and that Mkhitaryan constantly over-running the ball is not meant to be a personal affront to your person but is just part of the game. You can't be overtly critical and also shouldn't be a 'win' robot. It also helps when at the end of the game, your team is the one with maximum points.

So the next time Herrera from a decent position skies a shot to row z (he's the current club Player of the Year), Rashford aimlessly and needlessly runs the ball into a barricade of opposition defenders (He's a prodigy), Martial misses a relatively easy chance (He's special, isn't he?) Romelu does his leg-sorting thingy (He'll eventually end up top goal scorer) and Jones loses his marker from a set-piece (Committed solid lad), just smile. Like a boss. Or you could also wild-out and criticise what you don't like.

Whatever the case, just look at the scoreboard and make sure your team is winning. 

And then it's okay whichever way...  

Next Stop: 3 points v CSKA Moscow (A) in the Champions League. Wednesday, 27th September, 2017. 

Signing Out,

B.L

In Other News:

* The much anticipated boxing match between Gennady 'GGG' Golovkin and Saul 'Canelo' Alvarez ended in an unfathomable draw according to the not-so honourable judges (Take a bow, Adalaide Byrd).  Churning out these sort of results does the current reputation of boxing no favours and to arrive at this conclusion in a bout meant to redeem the sport's image after the battering it had taken after the high-profile farce which took place weeks earlier, means this was a missed opportunity. I do not care too much about a rematch. Joshua v Wilder anyone?

* Morata, Lukaku and Aguero are all on 6 goals after 6 games. Cavani 7 (7) . Lewandowski 7 (6). Immobile 8 (6). Aubameyang has 9 in 6. Messi 9 (6). Dybala 10 (6). Falcao 11 (7). Cristiano Ronaldo is yet to get going but he can very easily get those numbers in 2/3 games. All familiar names on the goalscorers' chart except one. The Juventus star is having a breakout season and is about to shoot into the superstar stratosphere. Would it be Real Madrid or Barcelona?

* Carmelo Anthony is taking his talents (and baggage) to Oklahoma to form another Big 3 with Westbrook and Paul George with the Thunder. CP3 had previously hooked up with Harden and his beard while Isaiah Thomas had joined LeBron (which automatically makes the Cavaliers a Big 5 - Any star in addition to LeBron is) with Neymar Kyrie  Irving going the other way to be THE man in Boston alongside Gordon Hayward and...ahem...Al Horford. Methinks Golden State should still be comfortable. Congratulations, Porzingis! It's yours!

* There is only one way the PSG penalty fiasco will ultimately end - Cavani can still give at least 2 good years to a top European club come next summer.

* And how could I forget? The Gentle Giant of Country Music, Don Williams passed away on the 8th of September at the age of  78. He was an essential part of the soundtrack to my childhood. A master of the simple yet deep lyric.

"I Don't Want To Be The Fiery Sun/

I Just Want To Be Your Candle Honey/I Just Want To Be Your Candle Baby/Let The Sun Shine On...

I Don't Want To Be The Deep Blue Sea/I Just Want To Be Your Cup 'o Tea/I Just Want To Be Your Cup 'o Tea/Let The Sea Rage On..."

Rest In Peace, Giant...🌹

Back From Cloud 9...

...So we can all calm down now.

The  Puff the Magic Dragon start to the season has been given a reality check. Not that anyone was expecting a 38 game win season but the circumstances in which the deserved draw was obtained will certainly put a lot of things in proper perspective.

First of, it is important we draw (I'm beginning to hate the word) derive a balance into the meaning of the result - a 2-2 score against a for-some-reason recently dogged bogey Stoke team at the bet365 is not a disaster. Contenders often drop points there and one has even recorded a loss there this early season. In recent years, the Potters always seem up for it whenever United is in town and Sparky also seems to have a potent antidote (including on the sidelines too) for our Special One in these fixtures. In summary, our final output was totally commensurate to our total input. Even Stephens. Fair enough.

Secondly, I think we need to once and for all dispel the myth of P.I.B.F.S. i.e. Post International Break Fatigue Syndrome. Having 16-18(?) first-teamers away for the now standardised 2-week International fixture period is to be expected and appropriately managed by big clubs. It should not serve as an excuse for sub-par performances. City*, Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs all have established internationals who participated in the qualifiers but they all returned to put in cohesive performances and administer spankings to their opponents. (Would we rather have faced Liverpool?) None of ours came back with any significant injury, some didn't even get to play and the farthest traveller was Ecuadorian Antonio Valencia who followed up his country's torrid qualification results with a poor performance yesterday. Perhaps he is to be exempted...until you look at the neighbour's South Americans and those in Catalonia and environs and then...nah...no excuses. The management simply has to find a way to eke out adequate performances under the circumstances.

* City did not administer a 'spanking' to their opponents - that was a mauling. Kinda like what Sadio Mane managed to do, deliberately or not, to Eduardo's profile.

Another to be forever banished, is the so-called "fixture pile up" excuse. Starting with Stoke yesterday, there's a Sat-Tue-Sun-Wed-Sat-Wed-Sat run of matches all through September which consist of Champions League, League and League Cup games. Isn't this what we've always wanted? Sooooo I expect the team to relish and own these competitive fixtures rather than treat them like Vice President Selina Meyer basically treats anything - with disdain and complaint. And that's specifically to you, Jose. I'm sure a certain Rafa Benitez would be willing to swap places given the opportunity...anyways, like Smokie said, don't play your rock n' roll to me. Get in!

FC Basel is coming up 2 days away in the Champions League (Hurray!) and there are a 3 things which are becoming more evident by the day concerning the squad which I would want to enumerate here. One I've mentioned severally, one I'm only fully coming to terms with and and the last I've only just discovered. My thoughts, folks...just my thoughts...

Original photo of rugged RedRom courtesy Metro.co.uk

1. Romelu Lukaku will score goals but...

4 goals in 4 games. You can't, on those basic stats, ask for more. And I know he's still going to score many more barring injuries. Very likely in line to be the 1st Manchester United striker since RvP to score 20 league goals in a season. 89 league goals in 190 games. 24 in 59 for his country. 150 in 322 career numbers averaging 1 in 2. He's still only 24 years young. This man will score goals. The problem however is that...how does one put this?..Romelu has some very very essential shortcomings. Have you watched a learner trying to reverse/turn a car on a narrow road? Can you try and imagine Shaq as a footballer? 🎵"You got me tripping...stumbling...flipping...fumbling...______ cos I'm falling in love...". Ever heard the term 'flat-track bully'? Do you get my drift?😅.

On the biggest stages, that lack of coordination, composure, awkwardness and ungainliness will be exposed and eventually, bitterly regretted. I hope not. There is still time to improve. Then again, some of the best strikers in the world had many limitations but the secret to their success (which isn't much a secret) was to play to their assets. Ronaldo de Lima had how many headed goals for instance? Pippo Inzaghi was never going to leave the entire back line on its backside before calmly placing the ball in the net and Ruuuuud! was not expected to give you a 35 yard howitzer. Not when you had Giggsy to your left, Becks to your right and Keano and Scholesy behind you...Ah, nostalgia...

Romelu is all power and pace. The team then has to quickly and consistently learn to play to his strengths. Play the ball into spaces behind the defence. Play the ball over the top of the defence. Try and get him isolated with a defender. Provide accurate dangerous crosses into the '18 which brings me to...

2. Our sterile wing-play 

This one drives me absolutely nuts. Right from last season, and in some cases 5 years back, we knew that 1. Valencia could not cross accurately. 2. Fosu could not cross accurately. 3. Rojo (when played as a full back) could not cross accurately 4. Blind (who should) could not cross accurately 5. Lingard could not cross accurately 6. Martial could not cross accurately 7. Rashford could not cross accurately 8. Mata is not a winger. 9. Shaw's appearances are like the total eclipse and 10. Darmian is generally as useful as a one-legged person in an ass-kicking contest. And I'm not talking the rare/occasional cross which surprisingly finds its target in a spectacular manner. I'm talking 'consistently'.

The one-who-got-away-who-also-recently-renewed-his-clubvows-for-another-5years' legend (and value) continues to grow with each passing day. But weren't there any other decent full backs/wingers in the market? I know the transfer market has gone totally gaga for obvious prospects and established players isn't that why we possess a renowned scouting network? To unearth hidden gems? Nobody? Nothing? Pending when those available make drastic improvements in their final pass, prepare to be often irritated. Speaking of irritations...

3. Pogba

And I'm not even referring to the haircut(s). I'm not part of the club's (well run, I must commend) PR machine so I'm going to say it as it is -This dude need to get his finger out. We can't continue to pretend that these performances are acceptable from our marquee player. You can't have all of this obvious talent and attend to football games with all the seriousness of Sesame Street. The much-derided Fellaini, with a 1/4 of this man's talent has made himself indispensable (to his coach at least) in the big games and hate it or hate it, he often comes through. To the best of his ability, he performs at a 9/10. Paul phones in a 5. You can't continuously casually keep giving the ball away in dangerous areas while holding on the ball when there are several options around you. I'm done with the whole 'still young' thing and like I stated here previously, the time to perform is now. He still needs his hand held and with the (now, let's admit, honorary) captain and old head essentially a bench warmer, who then provides the leadership in ability and example on the field? Valencia is obviously just filling in and Christopher Smalling is the vice-captain. I repeat, it's make or break season. The goals have thankfully started coming, which is nice, but the consistency is what is most required. Pogba, please...

Bailly and Jones had individual and collective 'mares yesterday making Eric Choupo-Moting look like a cross between Roy of the Rovers and Cristiano Ronaldo but I want to consider that an aberration rather than the norm. Same with Ander (recent lack of playing time?). We know the trio is capable of much better.  

There are understandably going to be a lot of rotations these coming days and I sincerely hope all called upon stand up and be counted. The slate is still largely blank. And more ominously, January, which brings another transfer window, is just round the corner. 😠

Still, the team is looking more cohesive, more in sync, more united, than last time around. I still hold on to my early season prediction of a domestic trophy (or two) with a Quarter-final UCL appearance an achievement. Of course, I would prefer to be proved wrong on the latter by the team going even further and possibly winning it but then again...It's still early days. Come On You Reds!   

Signing Out,

B.L...


In Other News:

* Neighbourhood Watch : I'm not a superstitious person. But if for any reason Oxlade-Chamberlain is again in the transfer market, Messrs Glazer, please ignore. Even if offered for free. Particularly if he's ready to take a salary cut. Thanks. Mane madness and Salah slovenliness aside, could things have been drastically different? Does or should playing short one man give your opponents such a huge advantage (We do it every time Darmian is on to varying results so...)? Is there any credit to be given to the City's attack in that rampaging performance? We could do with a Mendy, couldn't we?

*Enemy/King-Slayer Watch: Alvaro Morata's new found heading ability and Chelsea's resilience have become as inconceivable as Bronn rescuing Jaime by pushing him into the sea, dodging dragon fire (and a waiting army), swimming what must have been a very lengthy distance, and then coming out to shore unscathed. Scary. Stockpile dragon-glass and and lay in wait behind the wall. Or bus...  

* Real Madrid are so good, they've given their major rivals a head start in the league this season. Expect them to start reeling their opponents in as soon as wonder-boy returns...or does this turn out like that didactic hare v tortoise race where the hare left itself with too much to do to win the race? Messi (another hattrick) & Co. have been said, including by yours truly, to be in dire straits but they are the only team with a perfect record in Spain after admittedly only 3 games. Shockingly too, they are yet to concede a goal (Sound familiar?). But come to think about it, their capitulation, like another English team usually begins in the new calendar year. Stay tuned...

*  By the time you're reading this Raphael Nadal would probably be the US Open Champion. Remarkable  tennis year for the oldies but goldies. Congratulations Jide Ajao! 😁

* (Rich)Twat of the Month: Connor McGregor. Do I even need to explain this?

* A proper boxing fight is going to take place on Saturday between Gennady "GGG" Golovkin and Saul "Canelo" Alvarez. 1 loss and 67 knockouts between both fighters in 88 bouts. Who's your money on?