The Re-Animator And The Return Of The Living Dead

FA Cup 4th Round
Old Trafford 
Sunday, 29th January, 2017
Manchester United 4 (Fellaini, 44', Smalling 57', Mkhitaryan 74', Schweinsteiger 81') Wigan 0

Dr. Jose 'Frankenstein' Mourinho has developed a recent knack for experimenting. And like most scientists can attest, the results often vary. There are usually numerous set-backs before, if fortunate, the eureka moment finally arrives. Sweet tooth Pharmacist, John Pemberton, with the help of one Willis E. Venable, dabbled with coca leaves, kola nut, damiana and  base syrup with carbonated water and eventually found the formula now popularly known as 'Coca-Cola'. They (and their descendants) have been winning ever since.

Italian football scientist, Antonio Conte also has a tried and tested formula which has so far been bearing joyful fruit in London. It's a 3-5-2 formation which relies on strong and speedy full-backs as well as two box-to-box midfielders in a now 3-man midfield. Conte's formula also brought consistent success/results for him with Siena, Juventus and the Azzuri. He keeps at it...

Then on the flip side, there's 'Dr. Pepper' Guardiola who hasn't looked that much a genius with his recent experiments particularly when he doesn't have premium controlled samples (i.e. Messi, Iniesta, Xavi or the best team in a mono-league) to use in the treatment group. But that's a story for another day... 

Dr. Mourinho was uncharacteristically late in discovering his strongest line-up and formation with the team which he eventually settled on by December 2016. A clear tactical pattern had emerged and the results and performances were much improved. Agreed, the team would need to be rotated to avoid early season burn-out and fatigue but the style and structure should remain solid. There would be no need to re-invent the wheel.

It was therefore with great bewilderment that I viewed the formation of the team put out yesterday. Yes, the fringe players needed to be given a run in the team and certain first teamers were also in need of rest but the issue however was with where the personnel were made to play. In what turned out to be a horrible 1st half against a spirited Wigan side, Martial was playing as a central striker (everyone knows he's fire from the left), Rooney, 10 (Didn't we all agree not to do this is our general meeting? For obvious reasons?), Mikki 10 1/2 (He wasn't directly supporting Shaw on the left but was playing alongside Rooney) and Mata 7 1/2 (It's bad enough he has to play on the right but this?).  

Switch Rooney to 9, Martial to 11, Mata to 10 and Mikki to the right and its problem solved. And this has nothing to do with being a John Glenn or major character in 'Hidden Figures'(or is it 'Hidden Fences'? Lol).

It's so frustrating when the basic is made this complicated and my thinking was that this was restricted to just Paul Pogba! 

Enter the 2nd half, the necessary changes were made and a further 3 goals were scored. More importantly, the football began to resemble not just the holiday-season-United but also the Ferguson-peak-years-United. Mikki's goal in particular, was almost carbon copy on one of those goals of the Ronaldo/Rooney/Tevez trident era. Fantastic counter attacking football. Easy, wasn't it?

Which brings me to the other goal scorers...Ah, dry bones shall indeed rise again. Even a broken clock is right at least twice a day. Mourinho continues to eke out Samson-ite last exertions from the hitherto cast-aways. Bastian Schweinsteiger, who started the season with the reserves and was told in no uncertain terms by the gaffer that he did not have a place in this team, scored a good goal and provided an even better assist. This was his 2nd game and first start this season. His performance in the 1st half ,where he confined himself to the circumference of the centre circle all while pointing and barking out instructions like a traffic warden reminded me of why I despised him last season. Lazy. He was however pretty much champagne in the 2nd half and I still don't understand why he singularly gets so much unconditional love from Old Trafford even though this performance, at least, deserved it. It's been reported that he will be included in the Europa squad and there's ordinarily no reason why a player of his reputation and experience cannot be an adequate filler for the evergreen Michael Carrick. Long may it continue...

Fellaini again did effectively what Fellaini does - which is being tall and making a veritable nuisance of himself in the opponent's box. A firmly placed header set the ball rolling late in the 1st half and sections of the crowd even applauded him when he was substituted for Ander Herrara. God bless their good hearts...

Smalling got the 2nd goal with also a good header. Asides that, he was typically jittery and uncomfortable in possession. Wigan, fortunately, did not have enough quality to take advantage of this glaring amour chink. Still can't wait to have Bailly back.

I'm sorry, forgive the necromancy analogy but except I can see a trend of improved performance from these chaps, a zombie, however life-like, will still remain a zombie to me.

All in all, it was a good performance on the balance of both halves. Fosu-Mensah was decent but he's no Valencia (but he's thankfully no Darmian either), Rojo, I thought, was fantastic and Martial and Mhkitaryan were our best players. Shaw also had a decent game and it was nice to see Tuanzebe finally get his senior team debut. 

I would just be much more happier if Mourinho doesn't have to be so experimental and reactive all the time. Save the experiments for when the game has been won and not before. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It could be the difference between a trophy/top 4 this season and regret. 

Next is Hull City (again) in the league on Wednesday. Jon Moss is not the referee. Revenge is a dish best served cold...

Signing Out...

B.L

In Other News:

* Outside Manchester United victories, there are few things in the world of sport that give me unbridled joy - Watching Messi play, Pacquiao box, Usain sprint, Ali talk, Curry shoot, Rousey get beat and a Roger 'Greatest Of All Time' Federer forehand.

My predictions came to pass and the 35-year old master won an unlikely record-extending 18th Grand Slam against his career nemesis, the excellent Rafael Nadal in what was in many ways a historic final. As the great man quaintly put it, "Tennis is a tough sport...there's no draws but if there was, I'll be happy to share it with Rafa tonight." Class. Class. Class. And Class. Viva RF!

* Again as predicted, Serena Williams won. 23 Grand Slams. Most in the Open era. Ever. And in a more competitive field. And she's not done yet. What's the argument again? Steffi what?

* Who is going to introduce the HawkEye to Spain?

* Drip...Drop...Klopp...    

         

Hull'o! Earth Calling Planet Jose!

"Don't be so overly dramatic about it, Chuck. You're saying it's a falsehood, and ... our press secretary, Sean Spicer, gave alternative facts to that." - Kellyanne Conway, Counsellor to the President of the United States of America debating the crowd size at President Trump's inauguration. 

"I think 18 matches unbeaten is amazing. We didn't lose. It was 1-1, 1-1. I only saw two goals. I saw Pogba's goal and their goal was fantastic goal, great action. Great cross, and the guy in far post coming, 1-1." - Jose Mourinho, Manager of Manchester United debating the 2-1 final scoreline against Hull in the EFL Cup.

"There are no facts, only interpretations." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Perspective is such a beautiful thing, isn't it?

Well, I've got a few perspectives myself on the debacle I witnessed last night that I would love to share. Count if you ain't got nuthin' to do.

1. The referee, Jon Moss, was not as fit as a butcher's dog and no reasonable man could regard him as the new Colina. The Professional Game Match Officials Limited group should be embarrassed. 

2. Chris Smalling has become a bad and even cancerous influence in this team. As usual, he creates panic in the defence and his reading of the game is not very unlike referee Moss'. Worse still, he's started corrupting the recently reborn Phil Jones who yesterday played like nervous 13 year old. Except there's an extraordinarily dramatic change, summer can't come soon enough.

3. Darmian, Matteo. What's there to say about this gentleman that I haven't mentioned in previous posts? A truly shocking and abysmal player. I don't remember him making one cross from the right flank. Offered nothing offensively or defensively. There is no longer any justification for playing this chap. Not with a fit Fosu-Mensah in the team.

4. Paul Pogba may have scored the vital goal that pushed us over the line to Wembley but that aside, his football seems to be degenerating by the game. He has somewhat been justifiably labelled a flat track bully and I fully expected him to dominate this match. That didn't happen and hasn't happened in the last couple of games. He continues to make the ridiculously easy look ridiculously hard and desperately needs a mentor of similar or exceeding talents to call him to order. The player continues to frustrate and the transfer fee hanging over his head can't be wished away. He can and must do better.

5. Rashford is not very good as a left sided attacker. Martial is a lot better in that position. Having pace alone does not make you a good winger. He seems to have also been infected by the Pogba malady of one extra dribble. Pass the bloody thing, mate! Also why not start him sometimes in Zlatan's position as a centre forward particularly on days like this when the prince is closely tracking his Fitbit count?

6. I'll be ever grateful to Mancunian Jesse Lingard for that F.A. Cup winner. He was also a member of the famous 2010-11 Youth squad alongside Pogba and Ravel Morrison but Lingard has to realise that he does not have the abilities of either of those other two players and as such he shouldn't think he can coast just because he's made the first team. His football is wildly inconsistent and he's now 24 years old. Had a shocker yesterday.

7. Jose talks about a certain 'control' of the game before the imbecilic penalty awarded by the referee. That's quite scary. He got his line-up wrong from the start and the team continued to wobble before and after the penalty. They seemed to regard the match as some sort of testimonial for Rooney's #250. After the quite horrific first half, I was hoping for a much improved 2nd half but it ended up being just as ugly. There was a sequence where Zlatan, Pogba, Rooney and Herrara played a drunken ping ball without any player bringing the ball under control - very emblematic of the football we played.

8. After all is said and (very little) done, we are in Wembley. Southampton. 26th February. A cup beckons...

9. "To be a true player you've to know how to play/If she say a night, convince her say a day/Never admit to a word what she say/And if she claim her yuh, tell her, baby, no way!" - Shaggy

Signing out,

B.L...

In Other News:

* The Greatest Tennis Player Of All Time meets the 3rd Greatest Tennis Player Of All Time in the Men's Final of the Australian Open in what will certainly be a classic. Both past their peak but have rolled back the years in this tournament. Let the older man win please.

* The Greatest Female Tennis Player Of All Time faces her sister in another throwback final. Aburo e ni...allow her. 

* Seems I jinxed Madrid. No treble then. (But is it the same Iago Aspas???)

Groundhog Day and No. 250...

193 with his right foot.

27 (only?) with his left foot.

30 with his head. (Pre and Post transplant)

26 penalties (his ex-BFF, CR7 scores same number in a season. League only)

6 Direct Free Kicks. (Top head, 2 against the Arsenal, 1 yesterday and that debut hat-trick clincher against Fernebache)

213 in the '18 yard box.

37 from outside the box. Including this

136 at Old Trafford.

106 elsewhere.

8 at a neutral venue.

In 546 games. An average of almost 1 in 2. Congratulations Wayne. You don't eclipse the long-standing goals tally of an icon like Sir Bob which had stood for 40 odd years in the biggest club in the world by simply being an alleged granny-shagger and generally unfit in your peak years. Frankly speaking, Rooney hasn't been the greatest servant to the club but his ability to weather the many storms during his lengthy career has meant that he now has a genuinely credible record which would take some beating. (Sorry, the Three Lions cap and goal thingy doesn't count. San Marino, Faroe Islands and Liechtenstein. Seriously??!) 

From being a very angry teenager (Why was he so mad?) to the relatively calm daddy of 3 he has now become, Wayne has managed to get into double digits every season since he joined the club. I do feel however that he stalled just short of a genuine world-class talent at a period which should have been the optimum years of his career. Rooney was a more advanced and mature footballer than Cristiano Ronaldo in their initial years together. Their career trajectory since could not have been more different - One has become an all-time great while the other has simply become a propaganda favourite. CR7 famously became a training, practice and fitness animal while Rooney continued to rely solely on his street smarts and natural ability for the bulk of his career. He's only 31 years old but he is these days spoken of in terms similar to one approaching retirement or a MLS (or Chinese) career. 

The idea isn't to denigrate the player at this very epochal moment for not only him but also in the club's history but it does grate when I see talent with so much potential choose to settle for relative mediocrity. My view will continue to be that Rooney could have been much much more if he applied a bit of discipline to his still remarkable career. It is somewhat fitting that he scored his record breaking goal in a game which salvaged a point but still left majority disappointed with the result under the circumstances.  He shall nonetheless be regarded as a club legend even if 2nd tier. Come summer, hopefully it's Bye Jammeh, Welcome Barrow.

As for the game itself, it was a certain deja vu. I was caught up in the time loop of November 2016 and a large swathe of the LvG era where opponents' names could be replaced, the game play was templated, and the results could easily be correctly predicted. Even the Manager's post-match comments were predictable. "We were the better team." "We were just unlucky" "We created chance after chance but the ball just refused to enter...", "My players gave their absolute best and I can not fault them for a lack of effort" etc etc...

Jose Mourinho is a remarkable manager. His records show that he one of the most successful coaches ever and he knows how to win things. He has also however been known to be a negative and defensive tactician throughout his career regardless of the premium attacking talent at his disposal. There is also the reputation of being insufferably arrogant. All three of the latter qualities were in full display in the match against Stoke City at the Brittania.

We were playing a Stoke team who had somewhat steadied its ship but was ripe for a pillaging. Yes, the team is known for being overtly physical and tall but the idea should have been to force them to deal with the mostly smooth running machine our team had become rather than attempt to play them at their own game which failed miserably. No matter how much cosmic dust and magic words Mourinho administers to Fellaini, he can never become SuperTed. Mourinho, against all parameters of common sense, seems to want to constantly prove to the naysayers that Marouane is a vital player in this Manchester United squad and until he can actually prioritise the team's synergy rather than personal pride, I'm afraid it would be mostly same of the same - a D or an L. Fellaini's height could be an advantage in a reactionary situation (i.e. to be used as a forward in search of a winner or equaliser or to defend a lead...) but is often useless in a proactive formation. Did Jose come to Stoke to defend and then try and hit on the counter? As the answer is most likely yes, was that necessary? We had the initiative going into the match and would have been better served making Stoke try to cope with our strengths. The manager must quickly learn that we must be on the front foot as much as we can manage rather than always react regardless of the blossoming character of the team. No needless negativity please.

We continue to fritter away opportunities to make a veritable challenge for a top 4 spot assuming the title is already beyond reach. So many points have been dropped due to a lot of controllable factors not least horrendous finishing. We knew what was at stake following the Liverpool loss. The performance yesterday (as with those several other days) could best be described paraphrasing Mick LaSalle of The San Francisco Chronicle's review of a movie. It states "In place of (goals), the team offers a sort of generalised willingness to be (productive), an atmosphere of high spirits that feels like a lot of people pumping air into a tire that has a hole in it. Everyone is clearly working, but nothing is really happening - and yet the effort is so evident that there's an impulse to reward it." I think this captures the performances succinctly. There's a lot of 'busyness' and activity but very little end product. There are hardly any extraordinary goalkeeping performances against United - It is the finishing that has been abject. See Mata's blooper, Zlatan's pass up, Pogba's vicious but straight volley, Mkhi's space explorer and Lingard's bar rattle. Until we sort this now glaring weakness, there may be yet some more heartbreak ahead.

The issue of the captaincy is one that also needs to be sorted. The designate captain is no longer a starter and his vice has been incapable of leading 2 dogs out of a house for some time now. Mata's 'friendly fire' aside, Smalling's positioning and decision making is continually suspect guilty and his every action creates panic in the defence. A not-so-surprising statistic shows that he is now at fault for the last 6 goals conceded when on the pitch. He seems bereft of confidence and basic know-how. He should't be captaining this team. The 3rd captain, Michael Carrick, 36, is not even certain to be in the team next year. He, like Anthony Martial, was greatly missed yesterday but his direct replacement should be a priority for the club latest June.

This captain and leader must have the necessary football quality and therefore moral right to scream at a Pogba to "Pass the ball!" when he starts his needless Mandinka ballet. Zlatan plays that role now, but I think he's a honest man - statuesque performances like those yesterday will restrain him from often shouting at others to do better. We need a captain who is consistently capable in both name and deed. This deficiency continues to hamper the team and it needs to be expediently and correctly addressed. No 'commercial interests' captains please...

1 point gained or 2 dropped? This was a very different context from the Liverpool game and there was even arguably more at stake here. Liverpool had just lost to relegation-battlers Swansea and our 2 other direct competitors for the top 4 places were playing each other later on - points were going to be dropped. There was great advantage to be derived from a win. But it was a draw salvaged at the very last minute by Wayne's curling 250. City and Spurs eventually played out a 2-2 draw. As you were then. Status quo remains. Not injurious to others but another dent to our UEFA Champions League ambitions. 2 points definitely dropped. Still some way to go though.

Hull City next in the 2nd leg of the semi-finals of the League Cup. We have a 2-0 1st leg advantage. I don't expect a spectacular match but just enough to go through. Game on...

Signing out,

B.L...

In other news:

* Murray, Djokovic and Kerber out of the Australian Open in the 4th round. Federer, Nadal and the Williams sisters remain. Tournament hasn't been top seed friendly.

* Chapecoense, the Brazilian team that lost most of its members in a plane crash last year, played its first game since in a friendly against Palmeiras. There wasn't a dry eye in the stadium. There are some things that go way beyond football...

* America, Donald Trump is your president!  



         

The Liverpool (and Pogba) v Manchester United Humdinger...

"God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies." - Voltaire

In some parts, it could be referred to as 'Household wickedness'. The Greeks may have described it as a Trojan horse.

It was an individual  performance that can be likened to: 1. The hapless Thompson & Thomson Tin-Tin twins. 2. Fackler in the 'Police Academy' series or 3. Martin Short in 'Pure Luck' (one for the cinephiles). When you spend £89m on a product/talent, you expect it to be mostly excellent even if you make slim allowances for off days. But then there are 'off days' and there are 'just-don't-bother-coming' days. The performance I'm trying to describe falls firmly in the latter category.

Paul Labile Pogba has been solid to excellent for United since his rebirth. He has the skill, technique persona and presence to make a legendary success out of his career at Old Trafford. The noted downsides to his game had been his wayward, even fantastic, shooting and his over-complication of the simple things (Why cross directly when you can rabona? Why release the ball immediately when you can dribble 2 midfielders first? Passes look better when distributed via the outer foot). His social media savoir-faire (check out his new twitter emoji) and enthusiasm, while popular with millennials, irritates several others. 

But these are issues that can be fixed over the course of his career. They are hinged more on decision-making rather than a deficiency of talent. And that's a great comfort. We shouldn't lose sight of the fact that he's still 23 years young and this is actually his first full season in the first team. Basically, he needs to be given time. 

None of this however justifies his performance in the club's emotionally biggest match in the 2016/17 season. Missed a sitter. After his stray pass intended for Mhkitaryan in the early minutes, things only went downhill therefrom. Asides awful pass after awful pass, the Pog over-confidently assumed that he would be given the freedom of the midfield city as other, putting it quite frankly, lesser opposition have offered over the last couple of games. But credit to the Scousers, they are a different kind of animal in closing midfield opposition - As soon as Pogba touched the ball, 2 rottweilers usually led by Emre Can, came attacking and with regular and alarming success, chewed him to pieces and ran away with the ball. Indeed 'twas often a match up between Rottweilers v a Pug. Only one winner. Conventional wisdom would suggest that the pragmatic alternative was to release the ball early to the (temporarily) free front man so a Martial, for instance, could adequately terrorise the rookie full-back. But Pogba failed to realise this time and time again and was stripped off the ball just as often.

The handball leading to the penalty was downright ridiculous as he had already lost his man from the set-piece (It wasn't going to be the last time either) and his hand-raise was a feeble attempt to work himself into a vantage position to salvage his initial positional error. In his 94 minutes on pitch, he could as well have been playing for the opposition. The earlier Pogba comprehends that the EPL is a particularly unforgiving arena, the better it would be for all stakeholders.

Another unravelling and slightly worrisome trend is the fact that Pogba doesn't show up for the biggest games. For both club and country. France in the World Cup Quarters and the Euro finals. Juve in the UCL finals and this season against Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs, City and both games against Liverpool. For a player of his capabilities, he really should be taking such games by the scruff of the neck and marking indelible prints. If it's any consolation, the last United player who endured such criticism earlier in his career has become a 4-time Balon D'or winner. He was also as vain. So Pogba must surely be threading a good path, yes? Anyway...

*Neuralyses THAT performance from my memory bank* ...

As to the rest of the game, aha, it was a typical 'hammer & tongs' passionate performance you would expect in a fixture of this kind. While moderate in the quality department, it was a cliff hanger emotion-wise and often went 0 to a 100 real quick. 

De Gea, as usual, kept us in the game even as Jones and Rojo, while putting up a decent performance, were often exposed by the Liverpool attack. Rojo, in particular, played like he was still shaking off the lethargy of his inactivity. Darmian was Darmian. Tony Atlas Valencia, God bless him, for the first time in recent memory, couldn't muscle his way regularly past the opposition's left-side. Things however improved when the game opened up in the 2nd half when we were chasing the game and he nabbed an assist for his efforts.

The midfield was an area of worry all through the game. That 1st guy aside, the usually dependable Carrick was constantly engulfed by a neon-green swarm whenever he had the ball and was pulled off at half time. It was a bold decision even if one could see why. But it is this sort of games that highlight why a younger more mobile replacement should be top priority for this team. Carrick will do his thing in games where the opposition is content to let United have the ball but where the pressing is as intense as Liverpool offer, he can look every day of his 36 years. Recall the Stadio Olympico and Wembley UCL finals against Barca? And those were 6-8 years ago. Herrera was uncharacteristically also poor in possession and distribution but this was enforced by Liverpool, all credit to them. That yellow card? Priceless. 

Attackers, Martial started like a house on fire but faded as the game progressed. One continuing head-scratcher for me was how tight the Liverpool full backs (with the assistance of their wingers) stuck with our wide men while their wide men on the other hand, had ample time and space to weave into our '18 box. The Merseyside team had considerably more touches in our box than we did in theirs. Mikki and Martial were constantly double and triple teamed anytime they got the ball in the juicy wide areas and I kept wondering why we couldn't replicate that defensive tactic when Liverpool attacked...

Mikki is fast becoming a renaissance man capable of doing a job in several positions when the team has to go gung ho. His finishing has been appalling of late and we do need other goal contributors outside that 6'5 tower of greatness. 

Rooney replaced Carrick at half time and didn't do as badly as I thought he would. That's a huge compliment. He still has the 1st touch of a rapist and Ms. Pace has long deserted him. While he was contributed in the build up to the goal, he had the opportunity to make himself an even greater hero by sending a through pass to (was it Mata, Mikki or Valencia?) a player in the box in the 93rd minute but instead saw the 250-against-Liverpool headlines and tried to dribble past the entire back line to shoot...smh. A mad ref (which could be anyone of them really) could have also had him sent off for the Milner tackle.

Fellaini has signed a extended his contract with the club for a year (no doubt so we can obtain some value when we sell him off in the summer) and came in to do what Fellaini does. In the words of his manager, "The people need to know what Maroune Fellaini is great at and what he is not good at. Maroune is very good in some aspects." It's very simple actually - He's great at being tall and mildly aggressive and he's not good at football. Direct entry aka Route one football when chasing a game is an aspect he's very good at. There, decoded that for you.

The current prince of Manchester spent 83 minutes surveying his empire while liaising with the commoners and serfs on the goings-on. And when he was ready, he did what he had done 13 previous times in 20 league games. At times, the Nordic prince seemed to be involved in an intensely competitive mannequin challenge but I suspected and predicted that he would come through before 90 minutes. Invaluable player.

So was it a point won or 2 points dropped? For me, it was the former. While impressed with Liverpool's performance, I was even more heartened by ours. The team has developed some character and doesn't know when it's beaten. Mourinho made brave if sometimes questionable substitutions (Rooney and Fellaini) but both players combined in the lead up to the goal. You can't fault that. The 2nd half offered a much improved performance than the 1st and with a bit of luck, we could have run away with a famous victory. Liverpool also had its own chances though so I reckon the draw was a fair result.

All is not lost. 2 points behind 5th placed slumping City (and they play Spurs next...heh, heh, heh...) and 4 points behind 4th placed Arsenal. We play Stoke on Saturday and this should be considered a very winnable game even at the Brittania.

The holidays are over. Time to roll up our sleeves.

In other news... 

* Pep Guardiola is a good manager but having Lionel Messi, and a peak Xavi and Iniesta at your disposal will add a huge gloss to your abilities. And the EPL is not a mono-league. You doze, you get knocked out. Welcome to Ingerlund, Pep...

*  A 40-match unbeaten run is the new Spanish all-matches unbeaten record but it was brought to a screeching if expected halt against Sevilla. 2-1 it ended. In the most Sergio Ramos-esque kind of way. Ramos was also a former Sevilla player. Sevilla, under Sampaoli have looked the best equipped team in Spain to give Real Madrid problems. The Euro Super Cup was a dreadful mistake, the Copa Del Rey 1st leg had some questionable decisions and the 3-3 return leg was also careless. Regardless, Los Blancos enjoyed a magnificent run and should still be the favourites for the title at least.

*  Fiorentina inflicted the equivalent of a puppy bite to Juventus' 5th straight title bid.

* R.I.P Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka.          

      

Deck The Hull With Balls Of Holly...

"...falalalala lalala/'tis the season to be jolly/falalalala-lalalala..."

The holiday run continues.

There was however a time, precisely, 21.45 GMT(+1) thereabouts, when I not only thought that the season of good cheer was over but I also had sweat-inducing epiphanies of the not-too-far-back purgatory the club is slowly but steadily, no longer crawling, but now walking out from.

This, of course, left me in a foul mood.

The first object of my wrath - Matteo Darmian. Or rather, The Curious Case Of Matteo Darmian. Flattered to deceive on arrival, won the Manchester United's Fans' 'Player Of The Month' in his first month and generally looked like a solid all-action Azzuri defender. And a fair catch too for transfer fees reportedly not exceeding £13m. I was willing to ignore the nasty patch of hair on both sides of his face (No, those are not 'sideburns') as long as he was willing to consistently produce those commando performances but one of us did not keep to his side of the bargain. It wasn't me.

Some things have become evidently clear. Darmian cannot cross the ball accurately. At all. But more on that later. Darmian can neither run nor tackle. I'm sure he still has nightmares about Moussa Sissoko. Hull's right-sided players went past, round and across him over and over again without any resistance. Darmian is also not strong. Apart from his cross in the 1st 5 minutes, every single time the ball got to him on the left wing, he passed back to one of the midfielders. No initiative whatsoever. A dead end. Playing against a 10-man West Ham the other day, it became necessary for him to be yanked of the team before head way was made for the simple reason he offered absolutely nothing. If Mourinho can still keep up his Melisandre Of Asshai act, then there may still be hope.

I shared a morbid joke with a friend that if I were to ever face a firing squad, I would want Messrs Pogba & Herrara as marksmen. I reckon I would have cunningly bought a few more years or at least breathes, as they are almost guaranteed to miss. And miss wildly. I think the problem with the expensive mostly excellent prancing horse is that he has challenges kicking the pig’s bladder when in motion. Place it on a spot and give time to think through his shot and he will hit the…bar. Herrara, on the other hand, plays the game like a puppy chasing a ball of thread – enthusiastic and endearing but can also become mildly annoying. There’s nothing a little Xanax cannot fix…

Captain Wayne too was focused intently on No. 250. A bit too intently, actually. He kept running into Rashford’s positions (Haven’t I heard this before? Hhmmm…) and lashed at the ball when he could have exercised a little more calmness. Well, I don’t blame him too much…as it is said, when you tell someone they are in your Will, the only decent thing to do is to die. Let’s just get it over with. Preferably via a late penalty against the Scousers on Sunday. Final Score: 4-0.

All in all, the play was very tepid in the first half. It felt like the lads took to the pitch with Hull’s EPL position in mind and believed that the Tiger’s makeshift defence would actually help the ball into the net. (I actually DID have that believe when I saw Tom Huddlestone playing as a centre half). The passes were a second too slow, Mkhitaryan looked like he was instead bitten by a scorpion and a rare perfectly good cross put in by Valencia on his standing leg was wasted. Gosh, when next would we see that again?! Only Mata (operating from the right again. Smh) looked the part.

After undoubtedly receiving some version of Mourinho’s hair-dryer at half time, things picked up a gear in the 2^nd half. Mata (who else?) came up with a poacher’s goal from an unlikely sequel of events: Valencia crossed the ball high up into the box knowing fully well we did not have Zlatan on the pitch and there was ordinarily no presence in the box capable of effectively nodding in or suitably holding the ball up but in the continuing festive season, Mikki won the aerial tussle and created the assist for Juan. 1-0.

Cue Anthony Martial for Rooney. Now, the goals will flow. Abi? But God is not man and he has His unique ways of keeping us grounded. After a bit of huffing and puffing with no further goals, Mourinho introduced Marouane Fellaini in place of Mata. The biggest turn-off known to football desire. A bead of sweat broke out. We were now essentially playing for a draw…so grateful that a 2^nd leg was still to come…

…but herein lies the twist in the tale…the raisin at the end of the hotdog…Damned Darmian and Felonious Fellaini combined to give the comfort 2^nd goal. A rare accurate cross from Matteo was intelligently connected by Fellaini with his temple in the 87^th minute. Un-be-lie-va-ble. Scenes of joy and exultation. And he promptly ran to give a bear hug to the man who is attempting to breathe life into his career corpse.

In retrospect, it may be unrealistic and unfair to expect the burgeoning Reds to put up a master class every single time they step on the pitch. This is after all a team still in transition who have played 8 games in just over 3 weeks. The justified fear however was that often times in the recent history of the club, those sort of careless performances have come to cost us bigly down the line. Thankfully, not this time. Viva la festive season!

In other news:

* Cast-off soon to be cast-away Morgan Schneiderlin has reportedly passed his medicals with Everton. He is going to be reunited with his former manager, Ronald Koeman for a fee in the region of £24m inclusive add-ons. I really can’t put a finger on why he didn’t work with the team but I surmise that he was another great example of the scatter-gun transfer policy in the purgatory years. Decent to excellent players purchased with no clear plan of how and where they expected them to play. All the very best, Morgan.

* Did you see the Greatest Player In The History Of The Game’s free-kick against Villarreal? Woof! Hashtag We don’t need Balon D’ors for validation. Hashtag Enrique Must Go.

Signing out…

B.L      

Wake Me Up When (Sweet) December Ends...(Ok, I don't want to wake up)

"It's the most wonderful time of the year/with the kids jingle-belling/and everyone telling you be of good cheer/It's the most wonderful time of the year..." - Andy Williams

Merry Christmas and compliments of the season to you!!

What's that you said?

Christmas is over?

Oh, I know.

That we are already in a new year and many businesses and schools resume fully tomorrow?

Sure, I'm aware.

But a December 2016 to early January 2017 that has offered a 100% win record (bar the Fellaini-foolish-foot induced draw with the Evertonians which began the festive month) has meant that it's definitely still yuletide season.

8 games. 18 goals. 3 conceded. Some of the most scintillating football seen since the retirement of the Govan colossus. 

More importantly, we are beginning to see the implementation of a functional, fluid and effective system which works in spite of the personalities on show. LVG did have a functional system but it could never have been described as fluid and was rarely consistently effective. Moyes, on the other hand, had...Sir Alex Ferguson. The less said about his 'system', the better.

The 8 game win streak in all competitions is our club's best run since 2006 and this has not been fortuitous by any means. The Manager-Formerly-Known-As-Vile a.k.a. MFKAV a.k.a Jose Mourinho has finally been able to effect a playing pattern that suits the talents at his disposal, settle on his best XI and have hitherto dry bones rise again. Did I say "Merry Christmas!"? How about "Happy Easter!"? All this while somehow incredibly managing to remain civil and even courteous after the early season histrionics. 

Which brings us to the game yesterday. Our victim was the Championship side, Reading who had a bona fide Red legend, Jaap Stam, as its manager. When the line-up was announced, I must confess that I predicted an afternoon of frustration. Young at right back? Fellaini starts? Scratch that, Fellaini PLAYS?! Mata on the right wing (again)?? (For the life of me, I continually fail to understand why successive coaches choose to play Juan Mata, a world-class central midfielder, on the wings. He's slightly-built, slow and offers little defensively. In spite of his selfless excellence, it is clear that we would never get the best from this metronome playing him that way. Story for another day.) Chris Smalling? :(  

But I was right in a sense - the afternoon was indeed frustrating...frustrating in the sense that Martial and Rashford did not get respective hat-tricks. In the first half. Lol.

Blew them away, was what we did. We could have had 2 goals in the first 2 minutes and this would have been considered fair. To be honest, I did think that Reading was going to put up quite the fight but it became obvious from kick-off that both teams were literally and figuratively in different leagues.

Wayne Rooney was able to score/fluke-knee his 249th goal for the club putting him at par with the great Sir Bobby Charlton. Say what you may, but you don't get to that number by being an all-round idiot and totally incompetent. 12 years at the club and he's won everything there is to win at elite club level. Next items on the bucket list: 1. Break the record 2. Lucrative summer move to Beijing. 3. Knighthood.

Martial was again electric and has been Johnny Storm since apparently overcoming his...err...domestic issues (Woe! Man...Hell hath no fury...). The Reading back-line including a certain Tyler Blackett, couldn't cope with Rashford's burners, Rooney played some testimonial football, Carrick was champagne (as usual), Fellaini was amusingly competent (Ed,: It was Reading after all), Mata, Young and Blind didn't have to go beyond Gear 2 (One of those 3 does NOT in fact have any gear beyond Gear 2) and Smalling didn't tumble over his own feet. Good day at the office. Which brings me to the only bad news...

The injury to Marcus Rojo.

Rojo had been enjoying a surprisingly stellar season in both availability and competence so it was quite disappointing to see him succumb to a muscle injury in the 19th minute. The nature and length of his injury is yet to be determined. "The Rock" Eric Bailly has since left for the African Cup of Nations therefore Smalling and Jones are the only available first team Centre-halfs. Blind and Carrick (No!) can fill in and Axel Tuanzebe can finally be given a chance against Hull at least. Another option? Since it's a club policy not to speak on or about other club's players (*cough*), let's just say that he shares the gaffer's first name and his surname rhymes with the Chelsea's manager's...desperate eh? :) 

I do however expect whatever pair selected to do a job against Hull City in the EFL Cup on Tuesday. The real challenge will be Liverpool on Sunday. Sturridge wasn't really injured, Coutinho is back and Firmino continues to be a gengenpressing mainstay. The street smarts and pace those three possess would be a task for any settled defence talk less a make-shift. The strangest things have however been known to happen in the Christmas season...

In other news:

* Real Madrid spanked Granada 5-0 on Saturday to match the 39-match unbeaten run in all competitions set by Barcelona last season. It was 4-0 after 31 minutes and could easily have ended in double figures by 90. Such scorelines, you may recall, are not at all unique to the Los Blancos. Ominously, it doesn't currently look like any team can get a W against them. Madrid for the treble?

Signing out,

B.L 

The Journey Begins...

"Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion" - Tony Hsieh

Cough.

Ahem.

Yes, indeed, this is true.

Hiya, good people. 

I have finally decided to create a blog primarily about something I've always been passionate about - Football. Mike Pence would call it soccer. More specifically on Manchester United Football Club. And any other interesting issue that particularly tickles my fancy at any given time.

I must warn that there would be an overwhelming bias on all things 'bright and beautiful' a.k.a Manchester United but I do also assure you that I shall occasionally tackle other club and in fact, sports topics. There may also be the odd human nature observatory piece here and there.

Please read, invite your friends to read, criticise, rant, celebrate, moan, gloat, vent, preen and comment on these pages. It's especially fun when vibrant and interactive.

I leave you today with a quote from 'ma mehn' Denzel. He said, "Success? I don't know what that word means, I'm happy. But success, that goes back to what in somebody's eyes 'success' means. For me, success is inner peace. That's a good day for me."

Today has been a good day for me. 

Here's to a very successful journey with you....

Signing out,

B.L.